iPhonian fundas

//iPhonian fundas

iPhonian fundas

Apple unvieled their iPhone last week and I knew what I wanted to do for a living. It struck me, just like that,plain,simple,clinical. I’m not a geek ; but don’t recommend going back to the villages either, I’m somewhere in between and Apple says somewhere in between is not the place to be. I was jumping around clapping and shouting “iPhone ki jai ! iPhone ki jai” after watching the keynote, much to the annoyance of my co-lazy-techies doing time-pass in office.

If someone asks me what I like about myself the most,I’ll be overwhelmed with emotion ’cause I like me so much and would in most cases be silent with a smug face and a wide wide grin. But then one thing that excites me the most about myself will be my sudden reaction to genius, its like an internal combustion chamber filled with rocket fuel suddenly picking up a spark from somewhere. The feel good after that is unique,I feel thankful to myself for ‘getting it’ and settles down with that wide wide grin. Did anyone say ‘nauseating megalomaniac’? Whoever said that STAND-UP DAMU !

Certain questions gnaw at us without our knowing after that first time we chance upon them. Otherwise why would I think of cell phones, why would I think of how to fix them and when somebody does it why would I shout “Oh the genius of it” and then go through the ubiquitous feeling of why I didn’t get it first. All of us are pissed off with our mobile phones and thats a fact we live with. Dim lit screens, crazy menus,very less memory for songs and stuff, hell wrecking keypads and small small screens where browsing internet on the phone is unimaginable. Every time you make the screen bigger, the keypad is a pain for your fingers and vice versa. When you make both the keypad and the screen big or you make them slide, you carry a mobile as big as that grenade your grandfather used to throw at Pakistanis.

Apple took the keypad out and the ‘big players’ looked on like Watson. When you can touch the screen,why not have the keys on the screen. PDAs have done it before, but they were monstrous devices. Then Apple went on to merge their Ipod with the phone but the phone didn’t grow thick. The menu, voicemail, conferencing and internet browser are all years ahead and you have an iPod inside your phone.Its extraordinarily cute, a brilliant device.

Will iPhone be successful away from its San Fransisco neighbourhood in places where people still have grease on their fingers. I don’t know. But I know one thing “When you need to dial, it shows you a keypad; when you need other buttons, the screen serves them up. When you want to watch a video, the buttons disappear. Suddenly, the interface isn’t fixed and rigid, it’s fluid and molten. Software replaces hardware”. iPhone is the Oedipus of phones, the one Jim Morrison warned you about and I’m happy with that and I’m happy with Steve Jobs for that.

We live in a world where the monopolist of Operating Systems simply refuses to innovate – sticking on to some format he stole from someone before I was born. But then he is a philanthropist now,the worlds biggest – lets give him a Nobel Prize. Though he shovels the crappiest kernels down our gullet, I’m just happy that my dollar money fights AIDS in the dark continent. But when my system hangs every three minutes, unknowingly I tell him “Do your job dude!”

We treat Cell Phones like some divine gift; we’re just too thankful to existence that they are here for us. If you say Nokia’s N series is sluggish, it becomes blasphemy. A dear friend of mine said “You talk like a Commie ! Just be thankful to GOD that IT industry is here for you”. We were talking about trade unions in IT. My friend loathes coding and takes pride in the fact that he is Junior Management now.Guys like him breed and will be senior management someday and will lead our IT behemoths in times to come. They have disregard for new ideas *its just the new guy trying to impress the boss* and fear new technology *why to start at the bottom of some learning curve,when you have a penthouse on top of the old one* – so make merry, manage stagnation and celebrate mediocrity.

On a personal note, I regard lines of code as the foundation and motors of this industry and anyone who does not appreciate the beauty and genius of these lines of code have no place here, they are outsiders. Its been a long while since I got a chance to work with code as such, but I’ve loved it all the way. When I implement a few thousand lines of code and ten thousand call-centre operators around the world go home a few minutes earlier and less stressed out – thats about it, thats this industry, its rock. Rest all is auxiliary.

Our penny wise pound foolish IT behemoths are neck deep in hierarchy, they take no chances. So is our movies, its all in the family. You get the Khans any given day, Farhan, Hrithik and the Kapoors are your childhood friends, you call the Bachans uncle and aunty, you make soul-less bullshit and get blockbuster openings on star value alone and then you go on to call your movie “its all about loving your parents“. Sit properly dude, any gay fucker can do that.

Then there are people like Steve Jobs and George Clooney and Mani Ratnam, who know their craft. Mani got his iPhone in “GURU“,though nowhere near ‘Iruvar’ – I’m happy with the movie. Its a two hour fourty nine minute lesson for the Yashrajs and Rajashris.

Its the thread that runs through these individuals, the thread of genius and their commitment to that intelligence. Its the chances they take in the things that they do that makes them so special. And me so happy. Its Plato’s call on Wines and bottles.

Guess thats enough for the two cents Apple paid me to write this piece !

By | 2007-01-16T04:11:00+00:00 January 16th, 2007|Hmm|13 Comments


  1. Neihal January 16, 2007 at 5:46 am

    I dont like IPhone….i dont..i dont i dont….
    I’ll repeat it till I start believing it…and since IPhone isnt coming to India anytime soon…I have lots of time to do that…Ha!thanku godji:)

    and no thanku s for you:/

  2. b v n January 16, 2007 at 6:23 am

    Its not in US either, release is in June. btw why don’t you like it ? jealous huh 🙂

  3. alex January 16, 2007 at 6:44 am

    Well, i am no where, near pleased. But i am happy for all those who will purchase it. ;))

    Since i am the proud owner of a 2100, i have got lots to look forward to.

    maybe, maybe, i will get myself an iphone. :)))

  4. lalitha January 17, 2007 at 12:27 am

    I think its cool.and would love to lay my hands on one when it does arrive.(just dreaming).nice write up.I love it ,I love it.

  5. alakananda January 17, 2007 at 12:27 am

    ah finally a post. though iphones are beyond my ken, ( poor non-techie that i am i have a phobia for all these gadgets)you wrote about guru. ahhhhh now that i can identify with. just watched it on saturday. and loved it. tho like u’ve said, i’ve seen better mani ratnam movies. but whatever, it’s light years ahead of those schmaltzy KK movies.(the guy is gay, isn’t he? i always knew that)

    and anything mani sir serves up, however ‘bad’ will surely be notches ahead of the regular hindi movie.
    his movies come out kurinji poo pole (well may be not once in 12 years) but so infrequently that u wait for them with so much expectation and the guy usually delivers. it’s worth the wait. what else can u say about the only director who has managed to make the plastic ms.rai emote?

  6. Bombay Dosti January 17, 2007 at 2:57 pm

    ya me too a poor techie who cannot understand the genius of the code that built an equally genius gadget.
    but at least i can appreciate the pure joy of this friend of mine at the sight of genius.. and am proud of that!!!

  7. Nariyal Chutney January 19, 2007 at 5:58 am

    The Best thing about I phone that I read was the feature through which you can just point at a contact and make a call . Wonder what how Steve Jobs can dream all this ?

  8. b v n January 19, 2007 at 6:50 am

    Alex, njan steve jobsinodu parayam thaankale impress cheyyan enthenkilum cheyyan :))

    lalitha, me too 🙂

    alakananda, I too liked Guru, oh that guy is gay…even if he’s not he acts like one :)))

    btw i hope to die after i meet one girl who like Ms Rai. I like her 🙂

    BD, Oh well…electricalo…electronicso entho entho aayirunnille Ms non-techie :))

    Chutney, Welcome 🙂 ya, the dreaming part is more important.

  9. alex January 19, 2007 at 8:53 am

    That would be very considerate on your part. lol :))))

    PS: nalla thaangayirunnu 😉

  10. Neers January 20, 2007 at 7:03 pm

    isnt this jus awesome?? they make a joke of the competition!!

  11. Neihal January 29, 2007 at 7:58 am

    you are tagged :))
    everytime I say it…it sounds like ‘you are attcked’ 😀

    Be good….and do it….am waiting to read it :))

  12. ursjina February 13, 2007 at 9:17 am

    Brilliant..reading it gave me goose bumps..cin steve in dat classy opening gives me..well..objectionable content..
    its pure ecstacy ya..i completely empathize with wat u said about how genius minds affect our equillibrium of unknown existence..it gives u hope..it prods u..to strive better

  13. b v n February 13, 2007 at 8:57 pm

    Neers, yes they did !

    Neihal, done !

    Ursjina, thanks and welcome! sure its nice to know ppl are angry about how things are and have the courage to change them, maybe thats what we call hope 🙂

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