Dogs can retain smells in their nasal memory cavity for three dog years which is approximately one human year, after which the dog will stop recognizing the smell. Now if we are talking about bullshit, the previous line is so full of it. But it happens! Sometimes I get some crazy funda from somewhere and cling on to it with all the conviction I have and spread it amongst my close circle where I have some authority. The sad part is, in approximately three months time, this same funda will come back to me dressed up like a fact, which I have to believe at that time.
So there I was, coming home after six dog years, full of fear and high anxiety about the rendezvous with the canine at home. Imagine the embarrassment – “Oh yeah, he came home yesterday, then the dog bit him here and there, now he’s in hospital”. That was just one of the possibilities.
Dad: “You mean you defaulted on the insurance premium for two years ?”
Me: “ there was no LIC over there…hehe”
Dad: “You told me six months back you’d scheduled online payment”
Me: “Ooops did I ?”
Dad: “You gave me some knowledge on advantages of internet too”
Me: “I did that?” [Shame! shame!]
Mom : “Wish I had two girls instead !” [Lady of the house is really really pissed]
Me : “ Why don’t you adopt?”
Mom : “So you two won’t change”
Me : “I left two short shirts when I went, I cant find any now”
Mom : “Ha…I gave it to my adopted child”
Bro : “Whats the difference here ? What is SLR ? How do you eliminate the red eye?”
Me: “ Dei vittu pidi, vittu pidi” [slowly , slowly]
Bro : “You don’t know anything about this camera”
Me : “You see that steel button infront…click there…you’ll get photo”
“You’ll get what? …photooo….thats it ! don’t ask too many questions…give some respect OK !”
Pal : “ Dei 6:00 sharp, Maya bar in Pankaj hotel”
Me : “Do we need to drink every day ? I don’t quite like this”
Pal : “OK 6:30 Pankaj hotel”
Barber : “Why are you supporting Mammooty”
Me : “I’m just saying his Vishu release is better than our dude’s”
Barber : “You’ve changed a lot ! I can’t believe you are supporting Mammooty”
Me : “I’m not supporting anyone, please don’t mess up the side”
Passerby1 : “I don’t like George Bush”
Me : “I’m really terribly sorry !! I’ll never repeat that again”
Passerby2 : “Do you know one Anil in New Jersey, he’s my nephews brother-in-law”
Me : “One with black hair ?”
Passerby2 : “Uh…yeah”
Me : “Ha…my best friend ever”
Dog : “Wow ! Bow” [wags the tail, sniffs my socks, playfully tries to eat my left leg]
He’s always done that, he continues to do that. Atleast he’s the same.
Well friends, my dog did recognize me in the first instance. Dude didn’t even bark once, he snuggled close, sniffed my socks and then licked my hand – and then tried to eat my left leg like he always does. I couldn’t think of a better welcome home. My socks are full of his hair now, in that way he is a true son of a bitch, then again he can’t possibly take offense there.
He reminds me of certain things that really don’t change. Every morning in the past two weeks he stays by my bed for like two dog hours – whatever that maybe, till I wake up. He still rampages the ‘Hindu’ newspaper leaving the Malayalam daily Matrubhumi intact. If he was a dog in Tamil Nadu, his name would be ‘Vaiko’. He still urinates on all of my mother’s six hibiscus plants, each of a different colour. Mom would probably say if it was a dogini [female dog] all issues would be solved.
I don’t have to explain to him why I come home so late. He picks up some old rag and starts some stupid game. I don’t have teeth like him and I’m hygienic too – so obviously I lose. I don’t need to chew two “Center Fresh” gums before I meet him at night. I don’t need to tell him where I’m going when I’m going out, but every time I come back home, he jumps around with all the joy a body can express. Sometimes I doubt whether I’m good enough to be so happy about. And the way he sleeps in the afternoon sun, with no cares and no worries – sometimes I want to be a dog. There is nothing like a dog that can remind you – you are home. Being a dog and having a dog is so cool. Even Neruda said it.
Its been quite a break from blogging, then again I entered this sleeping beauty contest against our local cat. That cat sleeps like some lazy queen, but one day our dog will eat her or so I hope and then I’ll win the contest. But anyone would sleep in this climate, its raining in the afternoon,