Doggy Ishtyle !

Dogs can retain smells in their nasal memory cavity for three dog years which is approximately one human year, after which the dog will stop recognizing the smell. Now if we are talking about bullshit, the previous line is so full of it. But it happens! Sometimes I get some crazy funda from somewhere and cling on to it with all the conviction I have and spread it amongst my close circle where I have some authority. The sad part is, in approximately three months time, this same funda will come back to me dressed up like a fact, which I have to believe at that time.

So there I was, coming home after six dog years, full of fear and high anxiety about the rendezvous with the canine at home. Imagine the embarrassment – “Oh yeah, he came home yesterday, then the dog bit him here and there, now he’s in hospital”. That was just one of the possibilities.

Dad: “You mean you defaulted on the insurance premium for two years ?”
Me: “ there was no LIC over there…hehe”
Dad: “You told me six months back you’d scheduled online payment”
Me: “Ooops did I ?”
Dad: “You gave me some knowledge on advantages of internet too”
Me: “I did that?” [Shame! shame!]

Mom : “Wish I had two girls instead !” [Lady of the house is really really pissed]
Me : “ Why don’t you adopt?”
Mom : “So you two won’t change”
Me : “I left two short shirts when I went, I cant find any now”
Mom : “Ha…I gave it to my adopted child”

Bro : “Whats the difference here ? What is SLR ? How do you eliminate the red eye?”
Me: “ Dei vittu pidi, vittu pidi” [slowly , slowly]
Bro : “You don’t know anything about this camera”
Me : “You see that steel button infront…click there…you’ll get photo”
“You’ll get what? …photooo….thats it ! don’t ask too many questions…give some respect OK !”

Pal : “ Dei 6:00 sharp, Maya bar in Pankaj hotel”
Me : “Do we need to drink every day ? I don’t quite like this”
Pal : “OK 6:30 Pankaj hotel”

Barber : “Why are you supporting Mammooty”
Me : “I’m just saying his Vishu release is better than our dude’s”
Barber : “You’ve changed a lot ! I can’t believe you are supporting Mammooty”
Me : “I’m not supporting anyone, please don’t mess up the side”

Passerby1 : “I don’t like George Bush”
Me : “I’m really terribly sorry !! I’ll never repeat that again”

Passerby2 : “Do you know one Anil in New Jersey, he’s my nephews brother-in-law”
Me : “One with black hair ?”
Passerby2 : “Uh…yeah”
Me : “Ha…my best friend ever”

Dog : “Wow ! Bow” [wags the tail, sniffs my socks, playfully tries to eat my left leg]
He’s always done that, he continues to do that. Atleast he’s the same.

Well friends, my dog did recognize me in the first instance. Dude didn’t even bark once, he snuggled close, sniffed my socks and then licked my hand – and then tried to eat my left leg like he always does. I couldn’t think of a better welcome home. My socks are full of his hair now, in that way he is a true son of a bitch, then again he can’t possibly take offense there.

He reminds me of certain things that really don’t change. Every morning in the past two weeks he stays by my bed for like two dog hours – whatever that maybe, till I wake up. He still rampages the ‘Hindu’ newspaper leaving the Malayalam daily Matrubhumi intact. If he was a dog in Tamil Nadu, his name would be ‘Vaiko’. He still urinates on all of my mother’s six hibiscus plants, each of a different colour. Mom would probably say if it was a dogini [female dog] all issues would be solved.

I don’t have to explain to him why I come home so late. He picks up some old rag and starts some stupid game. I don’t have teeth like him and I’m hygienic too – so obviously I lose. I don’t need to chew two “Center Fresh” gums before I meet him at night. I don’t need to tell him where I’m going when I’m going out, but every time I come back home, he jumps around with all the joy a body can express. Sometimes I doubt whether I’m good enough to be so happy about. And the way he sleeps in the afternoon sun, with no cares and no worries – sometimes I want to be a dog. There is nothing like a dog that can remind you – you are home. Being a dog and having a dog is so cool. Even Neruda said it.

Its been quite a break from blogging, then again I entered this sleeping beauty contest against our local cat. That cat sleeps like some lazy queen, but one day our dog will eat her or so I hope and then I’ll win the contest. But anyone would sleep in this climate, its raining in the afternoon,

its raining in the evening *what a sexy blurrr*

and its raining in the night.

19 Responses to Doggy Ishtyle !

  1. May 4, 2007 at 5:21 am #

    loved the post milord. i can’t stop admiring you ;))))))))

    if we were in college and you were the senior who proposed to me, i would now have regretted saying NO ;))))

  2. May 4, 2007 at 6:59 am #

    so you go home, you get to play and brag abt your dog here and you get to do all that in that awesome weather.

    Seriously If there is a god above he is being super nice to you, and super…err…not-nice(!) to me.

    Humph!!!

    I am happy for you dude, but more than that I am jealous. ;-P

    🙂

  3. May 4, 2007 at 11:55 pm #

    you lucky dog! some nerve u have! u have to mention rain, home, and the rain, sleeping when it rains, and include snaps of the rain, ARRRRRRRRgh. i wish your dog just bit u instead of welcoming you home like that. hah! some people have all the luck!

  4. May 7, 2007 at 3:09 pm #

    that was a good one.. good to hear to getting back to “home” atleast with your dog!
    and the pics are awesome.. you have one beautiful verandah

  5. May 7, 2007 at 5:03 pm #

    I wish the Same could be said about this place, Last evening there was a Tornado warning, But the Tornado never came, Just some rain and dat was all! And I was hoping We could call in Sick on a Monday

    When are you goign Back to Banagalore? and is the Uruguay Plan Still on?

  6. May 7, 2007 at 5:13 pm #

    maashe..ithra krooratha padilla..enne pole videshathu kidannu kashta pedunna malayalees-ne homesick aakkan oru post…..its been a long time since i commented on ur blog…long time back i did…and u were amused by my “maashe” term….anyways nice post..brot back some good memories…enikku ente ammane kananam…eeeeee

  7. May 7, 2007 at 6:13 pm #

    Anon, that was a good one…hehe 🙂 what happened to yr senior btw..you said NO?….now you cant blame some ppl for never…:))

    Neihal, I didnt write about the dangerous thunder-lightning, dust, potholes, mad elephants,crazy crocodiles…life is tough yaar ! and I’m joining work tommorrow

    alakananda, I have some cool snaps of Kanyakumari district…what a lovely place…if you call me dog again i’ll post them…seriously 🙂

  8. May 7, 2007 at 6:20 pm #

    Apt comeback.
    Vittu pidi…vittu pidi..
    Hehehe..

    And I saw Kazhcha (again) and Karuthapakshikal. Must confess, the other dude rocks in those.
    But then watched Iruvar again (just to make sure)..
    And our dude remains the original rockstar.

  9. May 7, 2007 at 6:24 pm #

    BD, thank you 🙂 ya..’home’ coming is taking its toll :))

    Jason, haa…you enjoy ! the hurricane season starts in 23 days flat…hehe 🙂 Uruguay is always ON…we can rock montevideo !

    Anon, Ormayundu maashe :)…ippo nalla choodanu ivide…evenings mazha undu…pinne onamokke varalle…varallo :))

  10. May 8, 2007 at 9:02 am #

    Maashe,

    Got the news that you had updated from neihal’s blog.

    Me : “ Why don’t you adopt?”

    Ithuvare nanniyille?? 😛 LOL

    “OK 6:30 Pankaj hotel”

    LOL. You sure doing ‘quite’ like it. 😛

    “Ha…my best friend ever”

    Ithu old number hai!

    Though its raining alwyas and though its hot in delhi, i get the news that rain does not wash off all the heat. 😛

    Neihal-no need to be jealous. 😀

  11. May 9, 2007 at 10:13 am #

    Many..Thanks for the free trip to your house in kerala…

    And btb loved tat george bush one….

  12. May 10, 2007 at 6:35 pm #

    bow bow ! athraykkangottu serious aakalle.

  13. May 15, 2007 at 3:53 am #

    Coming here after a long time…So u back in Kerala huh…coolio..And that too via tufffai, the only other land mallu holds close to heart!! Those pics of rain were great…have already started missing home like hell ! And the part abt crawling to bed while it rains was the final straw…I felt like shreiking out loud “I WANNA GO HOME AND SLEEP WHILE IT RAINS!” Nice post anyways…though it made me a shade sadder..!

  14. May 15, 2007 at 9:16 pm #

    wow man…this is a neat back-to-home post…and packed with enuf matter for some nice laughs too…i just kept pushing off reading this one…bloggers like u ensure i just cant unhook from blog-addiction!

    dey, vittu pid, vittu pidi…dude, i laughed out loud reading that part…isnt there something magical in our thiruvananthoram slang!

  15. May 18, 2007 at 9:53 am #

    You have become an epitome for the typical malayalee attitude of not working while at home.
    dude….no post…….in ur pulitzer one…;)..one is due…
    🙂

  16. May 20, 2007 at 12:29 pm #

    where in this world do you live? its not the rain but the green view from your window that calls out to me!!

  17. May 21, 2007 at 1:28 pm #

    Rajesh, watched No.20 Madras mail yesterday…oh our dude is King !

    Alex, it stopped raining after Neihal got jealous :p…and btw I heard there is big time liquor shortage in delhi..like past one month 🙂

    Neermathalam, you are welcome..hehe,,,btw updated pulitzer 🙂

    Alakananda, illa cuttiff venda 🙂

    soorya, welcome back :)…and congrats !

    Jiby, hehe,,thanks man !…thirontharam slang is real malayalam…rest is faking :)) *irikkatte orennam*

    Raven, Welcome :)…and welcome to trivandrum anytime 🙂

  18. May 22, 2007 at 7:15 am #

    BVN,

    LOL. Only beer! 😛

  19. June 4, 2007 at 8:32 am #

    Kidu maashe kidu.
    That touch about Vaico was just too good :). And Dogini too.
    Hilarious post, as usual.

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