No Spoilers Ahead – didn’t see any potential to spoil further.

“I hate Luv Storys” is centered around its lead heroine’s need to make her life picture perfect. While the usage of the word ‘perfect’ in every scene of the movie may sound annoying to an average movie-goer, it has its roots in classic gothic horror fiction with a strong Faustian theme which bodes well for this classic tribute by Karan johar to Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray. gallery12

The plot of “I hate Luv Storys” revolves around Jay (played by Imran Khan) who is a filmaholic serial killer. He spends nights watching film noir classics and prowling the streets of Mumbai searching for his next target. Each of his killings is thematic, based on a crime classic plot, and the targets are people who like love stories(he has a long  hacked list of people who bought Erich Segal or Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay on rediff shopping) . Simran (played by Sonam) is an investigative journalist on the night beat putting together the pieces of evidence Jay leaves behind. She realizes that Jay’s plots follow the IMDB Top 250 movies list, and she figures out his next plot. But there is a hitch. Simran loves love stories. Where can the story go from here…

See there are hundreds of better ways I could have spend the money and effort Karan Johar has spend on this movie. I am so ravished and depressed by the consistency with which Karan makes these movies that wastes top talent,  insults our intelligence, and makes egg scramble of our better senses. “I hate Luv Storys” is a bomb of the cute kind. It tells the story of a dude who hates Karan Johar movies, but finally goes down on his knees and accepts that he loves Karan Johar movies and the magic in them. It is a hidden tribute to Clockwork Orange by Karan Johar. If this movie doesn’t bomb, then the collective IQ of the Karan Johar segment of Indian cinema is sixty nine.

Story: As you would have guessed, the serial killer thing wasn’t the actual story line. Now hold your breath, this is the story line. Simran (played by cute Sonam) who is in a relationship with Raj (played by an irrelevant actor) loves Jay but Jay rejects her, and then Jay falls in love with Simran but Simran rejects him. Where can the story go from here?


The story then creeps through your hand and starts munching on small pieces of your brain which would have by then exploded after listening to 29 songs, hearing Simran’s  logic around the color she likes and drinking on weekdays and statements like “Agar fate mere side pe hota to jay mere side pe kyon nahi hota”, and quivering with guilt realizing that you ended up going to another Karan Johar movie.

Good: Imran Khan does a good imitation of Aamir Khan proving once again that the chocolate crown remains in the family, Sonam has a cute and energetic presence but that bus cannot go so far, and Bruna Abdullah gives a solid performance as Giselle (an irrelevant dumb girl) which takes our eyes off Sonam’s character which is actually pretty dumb and Sonam’s accent which is a little Katrinisque.

Bad:  It will be published in three volumes over the next ten years. Pre-order and you get a picture of Karan absolutely free.karan

Verdict: 1 stars of 5. Missable.

I have no clue what goes inside the mind of Karan Johar, nor the 80% female crowd giggling around me in the theater. Seriously.