‘Twas another humid night in Miami when visionary exploded,

[ To the yet uninitiated – “may be yes,may be no” stands for conversation and *may be fuck yourself * stands for soliloquy ]

“C’mon man we are in miami , isthaa city of Don Carlos, Don Capone, Scarface,all those caporegimes *itsa icky city Michael Corleone paid a visit in Godfather II* and we are doing this lousy reined in work here man. fuck ! we should be money laundering, arms trafficking, overthrowing governments – thats life man,thats life *and all we are doing is corporate procuring*”

I said ” You hit a raw nerve bro – I always wanted to be a gangster – you know the type that smuggles biscuits of gold from Dubai – I always wanted to be a gangster man “

He said “whatever man,whatever”

On an afterthought I realized our office culture *oxymoron* is pretty much in line with the gangster’s life we desire. We have no work hours, not even a thin line between day and night, we are on an overdose of caffeine and nicotine most of the time, we converse in Coppola and Scorecese, in caporegime and wisemen lingua –

Capo2 : “I’m flooded man, can you take up this one – for old times sake”
Capo1 : “Maybe, maybe not, maybe fuck yourself” *me too flooded bitch*

We talk about millions of dollars in virtual money, we have our own omerta and terminologies that itema public will never make sense of , like –

Drop – installing packages of non-narcotic substance *which cant be seen* in production

Production – its like ether – Gods and consumers reside in this realm

Sign-off – thin line between life and death *more friggin work*

And then we have all those strategies, hit-lists, payrolls, rival Murthy gangs, Newyork calls and Miami Heat. *eyeno the last one doesnt make any sense *. Our life kinda ticks around calls – for Desi junta its like what they say in Company movie – ‘the mumbai underworld has a new weapon – the telephone’.

The whole deal opens when one of the blondes in NY with millions of dollars of someone else’s money gets a new idea.

Blonde : “Howdy, kitcha kitcha koo koi“
Capo1 : “Hey longtime *so* I’m good, gua gua gua“
Blonde : “Can we have a co-brand card product with Kuttapan’s teashop”
Capo1 : “Brilliant idea ! any more of teh same type”
Blonde : “Can we have a co-brand card product with all public restrooms in Texas..its a huge market you know”
Capo1 : “Technically its impossible, where will you swipe”
Blonde : “wipe ?”
Capo1 : ” I meant swipe – its not possible yet”
Blonde : “Well then, let me talk to Don himself”
Capo1 : “Ok fine – I’ll work on it”
Blonde : “gubboy ! I was a dallas cowboy cheerleader before – I’ll take you there once”
Capo1 : Daanks *b* will love it

Due to such close interactions with empowered blondes from NY, in office space you see the caporegimes reciting the B word every 23 seconds and nowadays its become ubiquitous like the F word. The new entry, the C word is dangerously closing in.

Listen to the now famous Capo crib over coffee and cigarettes,

Capo1 : “I’m doin my job man ! and aunty wants me to lick her boots on top of it”
Capo2 : “WHAT !! she asked you ?”
Capo1 : “No I was just saying ,you know this licking boots thingy”
Capo2 : ” Oh….boots…fine..go ahead”
Capo1 : “No what I’m thinking is she’s mixing apples n mangoes here”
Capo2 : “think the usage is apples n oranges”
Capo1 : “What is english for maa behan ek kardi”
Capo2 : “Well……………………………………gotta go”

Now its the tech stuff,


Some1 : “If Texas is the target, why do you need a separate database for location ?”
Capo1 : ” In case you want the same for Alaskan toilets in the future- I mean reuse”

Some1 : “Why Alaskan restrooms – each database costs a thousand extra bucks!!”
Capo1 : *Why Texas toilets then* ” its a two million initiative”

Some1 : “My name is Haans Christian and I’m against waste”
Capo1 : “Well thats the way we do it sir”

Some1 : “Who’s WE ?”
Capo1 : *your mom and me* ” i meant we at the tech side and sorry I dont see your name in the call invite”

Some1 : “Oooops I’m in the wrong call, sorry abt that”
Capo1 : “No problem” *bastard*
NY : “You have every one in the invite except my dentist..ha ha ha”
Capo1 : “ya” *blonde moment , life*

the Designs in place. the Global Crime cartels go live wire,


Blr2 : “It will take 20 years to build the software”
NY : ” Can I have it next week ?”
Manilla1 : “Can I go” *soft spoken chinky chick talks in kee kee kee voice*

Capo2 : “lets work the timelines out – how bout two months”
Passerby : “Okei“
Capo2 : “Now we have a plan !!”

Bangalore1 : “the card looks ulti-lousy”
Vegas1 : “thats grunge art dumbo”

Blr1 : ” that yellow line must be symbolic of the toilet”
Vegas1 : ” No thats RFID dumbo”

Capo1 : “Can we get down to the tech stuff guys”
Manilla1 : “can I go ?” *again*
Capo1 : “just hang on *baby* I’ll comeback to you”

Manilla1 : “there is a typhoon at the end of the street,please can I go now”
Capo1 : “*Mamma mia* what were you doing till now”
Manilla1 : ” I asked you two times”
Capo1 : “scram *baby*, scram”

the next day,

Some1 : “kee kee kee“
Capo1 : “Is this Manilla ?”
Manilla1 : “kee…but now I’m somewhere in the middle of south China sea”
Capo1 : “Good good…welcome back”

And finally the big launch night,


Blr1 : “Oh, think I’ve messed up, our code is bombing -servers are too slow”
Capo2 : “Its not a code issue.*Tataglia is just a pimp man, its Barzini whos behind all this*”
Barzini : ” You didnt tell me to reset the servers after the drop”
Capo1 : “Its a large package, do we need to specifically say that?”
Barzini : “who is this ?”
Capo1 : “I’m the guy who does my job, you must be the other guy”

At the end of it, there is peace in all Texas restrooms and in Miami. Caporegimes have defeated all the bad blood and brace themselves for another tryst with absurdity.


Much ado, about Nothing.